Fast Food Nation, part 1

Author: Eric Schlosser
             I am still in the process of reading this book. I bought it on my kindle, and I am a little less than halfway through it. however, I want to write a short post on my thoughts on it so far.  
             To start off with, this book is not what I thought it was going to be. I thought it would about why fast food is bad for you, and why you shouldn't eat it, etc. and I suppose it is about that, but the author talks about the fast food industry as a whole. I liked the chapter where he talks about how the growth of cars is what really started the fast food craze. I suppose it makes sense when you think about it. before cars became affordable for everyone, most people didn't have the means to go out to eat at restaurants every day. once cars came along, people now could go out to eat. hence the growth of restaurants. as they became more and more popular, people started driving cross country, driving everywhere really, and boom! drive- throughs were born, McDonald's, Wendy's...I do like that all the founders for these fast food restaurants were people who took a risk, they thought outside of the box. as the author says, it is ironic because today fast food restaurants are not known for individuality. 
      I must admit the chapter that...weirded me out(so far) was the chapter where he talks about the flavor and taste of fast food. apparently, the taste and the flavor are created by plants! the flavor and the taste are killed by the process of freezing and refreezing that fast food restaurants use, so the flavor and the taste has to be created elsewhere. in a factory. the flavors and the tastes are fake, created in a test tube somewhere. not only are the flavor and the taste created by companies, but these same companies also create the fragance of deoraoranys, cleaners, detergenet, etc. the same companies that create how deororatants smell, use the same building and the same machines and science and process to create how your food smells and tastes. that is just WRONG!!!!
so far reading this has made me think, but I am also finding that you have to do more than just tell people how unhealthy it is. we all know that it's bad for us. but there's almost no other choice when you don't have time or energy to cook every day, or who have a job that only gives you an hour for lunch. people go to fast food places where you get your food quick and it tastes good. to get people to stop going, you have to give them other options to be able to get their food quickly you know? 
so far it's an interesting book and I'm enjoying it.

Eat Pray Love: Beads 6-11

In the 6th bead of her book Elizabeth Gilbert talks about when things started to get better. she was still going through a painful divorce and her relationship(the one she started after she left her husband)to David was over, she moved out of his apartment in 2002.

    one of the things she talks about at the start of this bead is how after she moved out of David's apartment she moved into her own apartment and lived by herself for the first time in her life. she says that it was so important to her to live in a "one bedroom." I found this interesting because she talks about how she saw her apartment as a "..sanatorium, a hospice clinic for my own recovery"(22). I haven't gone through a painful divorce, or in been in any relationship at all let alone a serious one, never even been on a date, but I can relate a little to how she viewed her apartment. because I went potluck at U.P, I did not have a housemate for the first year that I lived there(the one I got this year has moved out, so am by myself until they find me a new one) I had the place to myself though I did not have access to the second room. but I loved having the place to myself because I got to decorate it,it became my place, where I knew no one else was going to be there, I didnt have to worry about other people being around,etc.sure sometimes it gets sad coming home to an empty place but there's something very...freeing about it too. in china, am going to have my own one bedroom apartment, and am looking forward to that. sure, its scary because of the stories I hear about rats and is CHINA!! am going to be living by myself in a country that's on the other side of the world! lol so I can relate to how she viewed her apartment: a place to heal, to be yourself, where you're free to just feel what your feeling and not have to sensor it because of others.

  something else I can relate to is when she talks about how she and David kept breaking up then coming back together. she writes "because how could two people who were so in love not end up happily ever after?it had to work didn't it?"(22). I want to be in a romantic relationship with the right guy, to know that he loves me and that I love him, and we are good for each other. am also a hopeless romantic, so for me, love is all you need. since most of my love is unrequited love, in my mind if the two people love each other, all's good. perfect sailing. but maybe that's not always true. maybe you do need more than love. maybe just because two people love each other, really and truly, doesnt mean they'll end up together, that it'll work. maybe there are other things that have to be there as well. Brent tells me all the time to focus on what I have being single, what that frees me to do that married people/people in relationshisps arent free to do, and I never really can. to me what they have is so much more...valuable. at least to me. in my mind, if the guy loves you back, all's good. maybe i have an unrealistic perception that I need to work on.

"i was actually feeling kind of delighted about all the compartments of time and space that werw appearing in my days,during which I could ask myself the radical new question:'what do you want to do,Liz?'"(23). I liked this because like I stated earlier, am told all the time that being single frees me to travel, to think about what I want to do and not have to factor in someone else,etc. and i always say that's not worth it to me. yet, this statement makes me think about that. i've never been on a date or in a relationship, so am used to just being able to go where i want(money issues aside, parents aside,etc). i can think about what i want, why i want it, if i can do it,etc. and i never have to factor in someone else. the idea of not being able to do something because of a guy in my life, is...alien to me. its SO hard for me to picture. all these "freedoms"that single life has that people tell me about, that I know it brings, I do have them. and while i may say that they are not worth it to me, sometimes you don't know what in your life you need until its not there. liking moving to a foreign country: you might not even think about how much you want a detached house because detached houses are the standard in america. in places like England and the Continent, they are not standard so until you get there you don;t realize that you do want a detached house. so maybe right now, freedoms of single life are the standard for me, so i dont even notice them. yet maybe if I were all of a sudden in a relationship, i would notice those freedoms and how i do actually like them and need to have them for awhile. if i were in a relationship right now, I would be seriously worrying about how my going to China to teach for a year is going to affect my relationshipa and that would be a MAJOR factor in whether I would even go or not. I would be having to think that i want to come back to live in Abilene for a few years, at least for graduate school and a litlle longer but my boyfriend is planning to move to the metroplex,etc. putting it in that perspective, it makes me see that maybe...maybe I like my single freedoms more than I realize. not that I WANT to stay single forever, and not that I now don't want to date or meet a guy or have a boyfriend, etc but it does...put things into perspective and makes me think about...starting to be glad that am single and realizing that maybe...(this is VERY hard and scary for me to write)...maybe...maybe at this point in my life, I need/want to be single, to not have to factor in someone else in my life choices. i want to live in a city that i want to live in, that i choose to live in because it feels right to me, i want to choose a graduate school(if any accept me which I doubt)that is right for me,etc. i want to go to China for a year and teach english, then come back and do my master's, live in Abilene so either go to hardin simmons for my master's in Reading Education or do the Southern New Hampshire University Master's in Teaching English as a Foreign Language, and maybe go back to China once I have my master's(and qualify for higher salary)or get a job teaching english at a community college,etc. and those plans mean a lot to me, and they feel right to me, and I think God approves of them(i write that very hesingtantly because I don't know the mind/Will of God) so maybe having a relationship right now would just...idk. not be...idk. but maybe you get what I'm saying. and that quote made me think about all of this because she talks about thinking about what she wants is a radical idea for her, and to me it isnt.

I also like that she writes "But why must everything always gave a practical application?"(23). i like that and i think its a something our society needs to learn. graduate programs ask you why you want that degree, what you want to do with it,etc and sometimes I wonder why the people who want a master's for the heck of it, because its somethign they want, who want to do something but dont have a specific "reasonable" reason for  it,etc, get treated like they're wrong, like they're not serious. this quote is when she was talking about how she was learning Italian and she was saying to herself there wasn't a good practical reason for it.

in the 7th bead, she talks about how she got an Indian Guru. this is a short bead, actually all of these are pretty short chapters, not long at all which I like. each bead does feel like a story, a small snaphot of something and the true story is how they all fit into the greater story, each is a tiny part of the greater whole. something that she wrote that I loved was she whe she said that she wanted a spiritual teacher she wrote: "I literly mean that it was my heart who said this,speaking through my mouth"(25). this happens to me a lot, I feel a strong desire for something, a strong love of something, and i dont have the words for it or the reason for it. maybe its the things that we feel but don't have a reason for that are the most...true.i also like the ancient Sankskirt mantra that her Guru gave all her students that she would mediate every morning  that means "I honor the divinity that resides within me"(25). I love it because that's what we as Jesus followers should be doing.

the 8th bead was about she got this assighment (she was a journalist)in Indonesia and she ended up talking to this 9th generation mediciene man. they could bring one question or proble to him and he would try to help them. she said :" i want to have a lasting experience of God...sometimes I feel like I understand the divinity of this world,but then i lose it because I get distracted by my petty desires and fears.i want to be with God all the time. but i don;t want to be a monk,or totally give up worldly pleasures. i guess what i want is to learn is how to live in this world and enjoy its delights,but also devote myself to God"(27). simply put, I love this because I want the exact same thing. I want to...feel God. experience Him . yet I also don't want to shut myself off to the world or from people to do it. the medicine man told her that she would come back to Bali.

in the 9th bead is where she gets the idea that we know is coming, the idea to travel to Italy, India, and Indonesia. at first she couldn't decide which one to go. she wanted to go to Italy so she could practive her italian in context and because "...i was drawn to the idea of living for a while in a culture where pleasure abd beauty are revered"(29). i have been having the same feeling a bit lately, its actually one of my  new year's resolusions, to experience something beautiful. i also have this desire to go to the Grand Canyon, and i will!! anyway, she also wanted to go to her Guru's Ashram in India, and go to Indonesia again. all three countries were so different and her reasons for each of them were opposites almost: pleasure in italy and devotion in India. so wrote: "what if you could somehow create an expansive enough life that you could syncrhonize seemingly incongrous opposites into a worldview that excludes nothing?"(29). i love this because the idea appeaks to me: what if we did not limit ourselves, what if we simply expanded our lives, our hearts, our minds, so we can experience it all?love everything and everyone? interesting thought. at least, I think so. it reminds me of my England and China thing. I have this STRONG love of England, I love it, am in love with it and I want to live there, i love the country, the people, its history, its culture...i fell in love with it. its in my heart. England is what I want, where I want to go, what i love...China is where GOD is sending me and where GOD is putting this strong passionate love and dedication  and desire in me for this country, and obviously what God wants is more important, but He didn;t just take away my love of England. its still there, He's just adding a love of China there. it makes me look forward to loving China just as much as i do England, and whateve else God puts in my heart for me to love. i want to love the whole world like this. not an exact paralle, but a slight similarity. lol.

the 9th bead is where she decides to explore the art of pleasure in Italy, art of devotion in India, and art of balancing the two in Indonesia. she says her friends were mysterified and often mocked her for it.she talks about how she was not free to leave because of her divorce, since her soon to be ex husband was still being  difficult.

she said that she and David had broken up again. she wrote something that I can definely relate to, on a smaller scale: "often I was still overcome with a desire to sacrifice everything for the love of him. other times, i had the quite opposite instict-to put as many continents and oceans as possible between me and this guy, in the hope of finding peace and happiness"(31). i can relate to it because there is a part of me that  believes it would give up all the freedom of being single, or my going to China, or my graduate school or staying in Abilene for awhile, for a guy, yet there is another part of me, strong and bigger actually but that am...scared of so I hide it, that is NOT willing to give those things up right now. not that it wants to be single forever, but those things mean a lot to me and am going to do them and it knows a relationship would make those things...impossible and/or hard to do. i can also relate to it because I currently feel this way about Brent. sometimes am sad that aftwr graduation its doubtful i'll see him again, that we wont be the same kind of friends we are now, that our friendship will dim,etc. other times, I cannot wait to get on that plane to China  and put an entire PLANET between us. lol.

at the end of this bead her ex-husband signs the divorce papes and she's free to do on her trip. there is a cool story of when she finds out, but this is long enough already.lol.

the 10th bead is really short, two paragraphs or so. she talks about she was in Italy a few weeks later. she quit her job, put her things in storage, paid off her bills and her divorce setttlement, and she was off.

the 11th bead was also short, though a bit longer than the 10th bead. in the 11th bead she describes the first meal she ate in Italy, and how when she got into bed that night and turned off the light,she waited to start crying, to get depressed, because that's what usually happened to her with the lights off but she didn't. she felt okay and fine:"early symptons of contentment"(36).

I love this book! the main thing I got from these beads was how pleasure/beauty and devotion to God do not have to cancel each other out. maybe you can find a balance of both. often times we feel like we have to choose pleasure in Italy or devotion in India, but maybe we can have both in our lives, with balance.

Life With God: Chapter 1

The first part of this book is called "catching the vision." the first chapter is called "seeing the bible afresh." pretty self explanatory I think. The topic of this book is to discuss(for lack of a better word)what life with God truly means and how we can work towards it. this first section, as far as i can tell, is about explaining that life, what it is about, etc. this first chapter is about the bible. the bible is one of the main ways that God uses to explain to us what life with Him is like, what He calls us to. in the first page Richard Foster says that publishing research tells us that the average bible consumer owns 9 bibles and is looking for more. he says that this shows a sense of "lack-a sense that we have not really achieved a grasp of the bible that is adequate to our needs"(3). I feel this way! I feel like I don't really know what the bible says, what its teachings are. I have a vague understanding of it, but I don't really know what its saying you know? I love it when I see something in a book that describes how I feel, that I can relate to. especially when its a book like this one, it made me feel that it was a good start to the book for me.

another thing that really stuck out to me was a bit later on when he talked about the source of the problem. the problem being how we read the bible, why we dont seem to be getting meaninful things out of the bible, thus why we keep makign different versions, buying different versions, because we feel like we're not having out needs met, our desires fulfileld. that's how i feel anyway. like I WANT to get something out of it that am just not getting, like there's something there that am missing. he says that the source of the problem is in the 2 most common reasons people study the bible: for information and to ..."find some formula that will solve the pressing need of the moment"(5)). he wrote that these are "...ways of trying to control what comes out of the bible rather than entering the process of the transformation of our whole person and our whole life into christlikeness"(5). this stuck out to me because I had never thought of this before. but it really fits into what he's saying. we read the bible for information, to learn, to find comfort, to find solace, to find inspiration,etc and these all are things we are...taking out of it instead of letting it come to us. we go into studying the bible we a specific game plan, somethign specific we want are looking for, or with the idea that we want to learn,and there;s nothign wrong with that but...there's more. there HAS to be more. by reading this, I cant help but feel that we also have to come to the bible with wanting to be changed, to go into it and letting God use the bible to change us. letting ourselves be changed is hard, because we want control and we want choices. technology today is all about chocies and control. i got a new blackberry phone for christmas, and its amazing all the chocies it lets me make: what sound its going to make when a specific person texts me, what background i want, what applications i want, what font and size i want,etc. same thing at restaurants, at coffee shops,etc. we want choices, we want control and its hard to give it up. make me wonder if part of the not so positive view on communism and centralized goverments like in China are due to the fact that as americans, we are used to having all these choices, all this control. this section made me wonder if we are turning the bible into  a "how-to" book or a "self help' book for comfort, for inspiration,etc.

somethign that he wrote in this chapter that I LOVED was on page 6, and its this line: "suppose, then, we simply agreed that the proper outcome of studying the bible is growth in the supernatural power of love: love of God and of all people?"(6). no deep reason for loving this, I just loved it. sometimes things are made more complicated than they are. i think i do that all the time: make things harder, more intricate than they really are or should be. i love the simplicity of it: that studying the bible should be about growing in love, a way for God to helps us to love like He does. what if that's the whole point of everything? what if that is the point of all of what we as Jesus-followers, Christians,etc live for? love. to love like God does.  Richard Foster actually wrote something similar at the bottom of page 6. in one sentence he summarized what i've been explaining in a paragraph:"when we turn to scripture in this way,our reason for 'knowing' the bible and everything it teaches would be that we might love more and know more of love"(6). as you can see, what i wrote has been inspired by Richard Foster, but I loved this and that's what I want. I love loving my friends: am always trying my best to show my friends how much I love them and care about them, and I want to...love the way Jesus does. no matter what they do or say or feel, I want my love for them to be a rock, a steadfast never changing amount. steady. like God's love for us is steady. or on a way smaller scale, like my friend Brent loves. as much as I say and worry, I know that I could do just about anything,and he would still love/care about me just the same. hopefully he wouldnt disagree with me or anything, but i freak out on him for the smallest thing, am always getting upset/hurt by things that I know must sound crazy and iditotic to him and the guy still...is my friend! it never changes how he cares about me. I think that's pretty  awesome.

"the unity of the bible is discovered  in the development of live with God as a reality on earth, centered in the person of Jesus"(7).   I loved this! I love what he says about live with God being a reality on earth. i love it because i feel like often we talk about going to Heaven, or when Jesus comes back and makes all things right,etc. but what if while those things are true, life with God is also HERE. NOW. on earth. in this moment. it makes me view things differently, and it makes me want to live the life that God wants me to right now. after all, the best decisions in my life, the choices that i've made that have been the best, that have been good for me and that have brought me the most happy, have been the ones that i've made on a whim, for no specific reason, that just felt right, like wanting to go to college in Texas, choosing ACU, choosing to go on a semester long study abroad, the car that I bought, switching my major to International Studies while I was on study abroad,etc. in hindsight, these chocies have had the hand of God in it, God led me to those choices, I know it. so it seems as if God does a much better job in bringing me to things that are good for me and make me happy than I do, so He should be the one in charge, I should do things His way not mine. live the life He calls us to instead of the one I want. easier said and written than done I know.

"...but as in its authorship,so in its presentation to the world,God uses human action"(9). This is something Richard Foster wrote in this chapter that really struck me. we teach the bible to people, we explain it to them,etc. but maybe we're meant to also...live it out for them. this got me thinking that maybe our lives as the best explantion of the bible to people. the bible is one of God's ways of showing us what life with Him is like, what it should be and what it is, and it seems that living that life is what we called to, and people will learn about the bible, about God, Jesus,etc through US. through our love, our lives,the way we live. Foster also wrote about we can "...gather regularly in little groups of two or more to encourage one another to discover the footprints of God in our daily existance and to walk out with God into areas where we have previously walked alone or not all all"(9). I really need and want to do this, but I don't know how. I want to find God's footprints in my life, but am not show how to look. and the place where I walk alone is my extreme unhappiness at my single status, at my never having had a boyfriend or had a guy like me as more than a friend. its one of my new year's resolution actually, inspired by this, to bring God into this area, to walk with Him in this. but I don't know how. any ideas?suggestions?

this is getting WAY long and its because there are so many things in this chapter that stuck out to me. but ill try to fit as many as possible, just not do a lot of describing. he quoted 2 Cor 4:16 and  LOVED it! its a verse that expresses what I want, to be changed on the inside,to have love and wisom in my secret heart and to change the inside into Christlikeness and fill it with so much love that it just spills out into the world.

he had a small section about reading with the heart and he talked about lecto divina, or spiritual reading. it sounded really good and I LOVE the idea of bringing my heart to my study of the bible and not just my head.

"we see such Spiritual Disciplines cropping up repeadtly in the bible as the way God's people trained themselves and were trained by God toward godliness"(14). I want to be trained by God to be like Him, to love like Him, to see people the way He does.

He quoted Psalm 1:2, and when I read it, it reminded me a lot of Brent. in my mind, it sounded like a good descrition of Brent. I know, dorky but its what I thought and I love it when things like that happen.

there are lots and lots of other things in this chapter that I loved and that struck out to me, made me think,etc. but the main thing I got from this chapter is feeling this crazy need to want to study the bible and let God use it to teach me about the life He wants me to live, and also a need/desire to want to live that life. when I read the bible, and its a new year's resolution(inspired by this chapter because Foster reccomends it) to read the bible cover to cover. foster writes that it gives a clear picture of the entire story, instead of just the different separate stories. am kinda excited about that. I also took away that reading the bible, studying it, should be about more than just learnign the facts or using it for inspiration, for comfort,etc. nothing wrong with those things but its also important to let God use it to change us and help  us grow, instead of just taking what we want and/or need from it. also, that its important to bring our hearts as well as our heads to it and remenber to live it out.

Eat Pray Love: Beads 1-5

Author: Elizabeth Gilbert

This book is what the movie is based on, and I will begin by saying I saw the movie first. I LOVED the movie and the story, and I decided to read the memoir that it was based on. I wanted to know the real story instead of the Hollywood portrayal of it.

This book is a memoir by the author. She went on a spiritual/self discovery  trip to 3 countries: Italy, India, and Indonnesia. the story is more complex than that of course, but that is a simple description of it. the book is written in a format where there are 3 sections: one for each country she visitied, and each section has 36 sections, or "beads" as she calls them(there is a reason for this, and its really cool, but am going to let you read the book to find out what that reason is). btw, the introduction is also an "extra"bead, but again, read the book to find out more. the reason why I love this story so much, is because I can relate to it pretty well. while I don't have the same extend as she did, I can relate to feeling like you dont really know who you are. what hooked me was this scene in the trailer, where she(the actress that plays her)says that ever since she was 15 she has either been in a relationship or getting over one(something alone those lines). I heard that line and I was hooked, I knew I was going to go see that movie and the movie was so amazing and I could really...relate to it and I decided to read the book, the real story. like I said, that line, I can relate to it. ever since the 3rd grade, I have been crushing on a guy:

•   Trey(3rd grade)
• Kody(4-6th grade)
• Derek(6th grade)
• Justin(6th grade)
• Nathaniel(7th Grade)
• Anthony Soto(8th-12th grade)
• Evan-ACU Freshman year
• Trevor(ACU  Freshman  all the way through sophomore year)

need I say more? only exception is my time in england, spring-summer 2009, where I did not actively like a guy but I was still getting over Trevor,but I have been crushing on a guy since 3rd grade, so sometimes I wish I could take that time in england, the closest i've come to not liking any guy, and make it 100% you know? a huge part of me is loving people. i love my friends, and i like to think am good at loving them, and when i crush on a guy, i really do invest feelings into them you know? so i sometimes wonder who I am outside of that. if you take out the romantic part of me and the loving friend, who am I? what else is there to me? so i can relate to her a bit, not the same though.

since the chapters are short, am going to write a post for every 5 chapters, not every chapter. I will refer to the chapters as "beads" because I like that format idea she had; i think its cool. :)

in the first bead she talks about her Italian tutor and how she wishes he would kiss her. she's in Italy at the time BTW. anyway, at the end of the bead they are on her doorstep and he comes close to kissing her, and she's hoping he will so badly and yet not because she made a decision to be celibate during that year.so he doesnt kiss her, and she goes back in, and she goes back in and she writes about how there's nothing but another solitary night in Italy and nobody and nothing in her bed but Italian phrasebooks and dictionaries.she then writes:

"I am alone. I am all alone. I am completly alone. grasping this reality,I let go of my bag, drop to my knees and press my forehead against the floor. there, I offer up to the universe a fervent prayer of thanks. first in English. then in Italian, and then-just to get the point across-in Sanskrit."(page 9).



when I first read this, I was expecting that she was gonna send a prayer of help to the universe, to help her get through being alone, or cry because she was alone. so it so...surprised me when she prayed a prayer of thanks, a thanks for being alone. despite her wanting her Italian tutor to kiss her, she was still fervently thankful that she was alone. I have cried, I have prayed for help to get through being alone, I have even prayed for acceptace that I am alone, but never have I prayed a thankful prayer for being alone. I have to admire that. makes me want to get to that place, saying a prayer of thankfulness for being alone, for not having someone with me,etc. am not sure if I will ever get to that place, so I admire her for getting there.

 in the second bead she starts the story from the very beginning, and it stars when she's crying in her bathroom. she's married, been married for 8 years, and its the age she and her husband agreed that when it came she would grow tired of traveling and her career as a journalist, and would settle down and have kids. they had bought this huge suburban house, were trying to get pregnant,etc. yet she would cry almost every night. that night, she writes that she was thinking "I don't want to be married anymore." over and over. that thought kept running through her head. she wrote: "I was trying so hard not to know this, but the truth kept insisting itself to me"(10).   this line really struck me because I can SO relate! I am trying so hard not to know the truth(I wont say what about, that's another post for another blog)yet it finds me, when I let down my guard, when I lower my shields, and lately all the time, it just...pushes its way forward. sometimes, you dont want to know the truth and so you fight it away. its not knowing the truth and ignoring it, or trying to talk yourself out of it, but...trying not to know it. its hard to explain in words, but I can relate. towars the end of this bead she wrote: "the only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying;the only thing more unthinkable than staying was leaving"(12).  again, struck me because i can relate to it a bit. she ends this bead by writing that that night, somethign happened that changed everything,the way her life was going. she started to pray, to God.

the third bead she talked about God and her view on God. its a short short chapter, but towards the end she wrote that she had this dog from the pound that was a mixture of 10 different breeds, yet she(the dog)must have inherited the good features from each breed. when people asked her(the author)what king of dog she had, she simply said that she had a brown dog. so similarly when people ask her what kind of God she believes in, she says  that she believes in a magnificent God. I LOVED that because its so true! God is everything, everything Good, and so to limit Him to one kind of thing, one kind of God, is...impossible. He's limitless. I loved that.

the fourth bead she continues talking about that night, about her praying to God and what happened. there were a few lines in this bead that I loved! one of them was when she started talking to God, she introduced herself, she said her name, nice to meet you,etc. she wrote: "that's right-I was speaking to the creator of the universe as though we'd just been introduced at a cocktail party. but we work with what we know in this life..."(15).  I do the same thing when I pray/talk to God. I talk/pray to God like am writing Him a letter. I say "dear God" at the beginnign, then what I have to say, and end with "love you" or "I trust you" etc. and after reading this line, I realize I do this, and it makes sense. I love writing, so that I pray to God like am writing Him a letter or like am writing a blog post, makes sense because that's what I know. maybe there's different ways of praying/talking to God, and whichever way works for you, is fine with God. all the same to Him right? another line that struck me in this bead was when towards the end, when she wrote about hearing a voice(her own voice but wise,calm,etc) and how it told her to go back to bed. she writes that it was clear when she heard it that that was what she had to do,and how she wouldnt have accepted a "leave your husband" or "stay with your husband"type of "command"(for lack of a better word). she wrote: "true wisdom gives the only possible answer at any given moment"(16). speaks for itself, but I loved it!  maybe she's right. maybe real true wisdom, is not being given the answer to your big picture problem in one go, but being take to it gradually, step by step, moment by moment. maybe God will never give you the answer but He'll take you to the answer. interesting thought.

  in the fifth bead, she talks about how she left her husband 7 months later and right away jumped into another relationship. in this bead she talks about how hard her dirvoce was, going through that and how her relatationship fell apart as well at the same time, and it was around 9/11, and she lived in NYC so her marriage failed, her dirvoce was tougn and messy, her new relationship failed, and her city was terrozied. like I talked about earlier, I can relate to the jumping from one guy to the other, even though i've never been in a relationship. i have done that to a less extend. i've gone from one crush to another since the 3rd grade. i liked anthony soto since i was in 8th grade, he graduated at the end of my sophomore year, and it took me until the end of high school(another 2 years)to get over him. and right after that I start crushing on Evan, and then on Trevor for almost 2 years... one line that she wrote in the beginning of the fifth bead was: "i would neither defend myself from him, nor would I fight him"(17). this was in reference to her husband as they were going through the divorce. her new spirtuality kept her from wanting a "battle" and her guilt over leaving him kept her from fighting back. this line made me wonder if I do that. do i not fight and not defend myself?do i just stand there, doing nothing?i liked this bead, but this was the only line that struck me, besides the one where she talks about she jumped out of her marriaged and right into another relationship, which i've already talked about.

these first 5 beads are the beginnigns of a powerful story, and i have a feeling I'm going to relate to a lot of what she experienced, what she was going through,etc. to a less extend and in different ways, but relate nevertheless. i want to go on a trip like this someday. just leave everyone and everything and go to a new place(or 3 like in her case)and just have it be...me and God, and whoever He sends my way.

The Good and Beautiful Life: Play Soul Exercise

Author: James Bryan Smith

I will confess that this soul exercise was not as...beneficial for me as the letter writing was. I guess that has to do with the fact that I do not "play" a lot, at least not in the typical meaning of the word. my favorite types of games are board games, or games that do not require you to shout or scream, like spoons or games like that. am sure if you know me,that that does not come as a huge surprise. therefore, this soul exercise was a challenging for me. my idea of "play" is reading a good book that I love, or writing on one of my posts, or sending one of my "encouragement" texts or talking with a friend. those are ways I relax. going to see a movie is also another way I relax. writing, movies, friends, and reading are the best ways I relax.  I'm  going to write about some...games that we played at the SBC Leader Retreat this past weekend, and why I enjoyed them. I do not want to just write about these games to be able to say I did this soul exercise or to check it off,so I will say that I did not play these games for the purpose of doing this soul exercise. doing these games was actually not a choice of mine, but games that the SBC Committee had us play to help us get to know each other.
       one of the first games we played at the retreat was a bit uncomfortable for me actually. it is this game where you stand in a circle and say an adjective that describes you that starts with the first letter of your name, like "kicking Kelsi" or "anxious Alex." and you have to do a movement that goes with it. then everyone has to say your adjective name, and do the movement, and the ones for everyone who went before you, and so on. it helps you learn people's names because you remember the adjective. it's also very funny! anyways, it was uncomfortable for me because people saying my name kinda made me uncomfortable, but it was fun and a lot of funny things were done and said, and we laughed a lot.
  another game I really enjoyed was this opposites game. we all lined up in a single line, next to our co-leaders. then joseph(comittee member, finance person) would say two things that were "oppsites"(not all were true opposites but choices) and if you went for one you would go to the right side, if you went for the other you would go to the other side, and depending how much more you preferred your choice to the other choice, you would take 1, 2, or 3 steps in that direction. it was meant to show us what we had in common with our co-leaders and get to know them better. it was fun, especially since with the Boston Campaign, there are 3 of us leaders, 2 girls and 1 guy, and a lot of the time me and Emily would be on the same side and Jared would be on the other, which was kinda funny. a lot of things were silly "astros or rangers" or "springer vs Maury"(all but 3 preferred Maury) and some were serious and good to know, like "chaos or order" or "follow the rules VS break the rules" or "time VS quality." one was "avoid conflict VS confront conflict." me and Emily were 3 steps on the side of "avoid" and Jared was 3 steps on the side of "confront" which I found kinda funny. so we will be letting him do the "confrontation" with conflict.it was really helpful in terms of getting to know your co-leader(or leaders in our case) and also in seeing how strong you lean towards one side, or if you could do both so it was a good game.
these games were fun, and I did let down my guard a bit. I laughed a lot and I got to know some really awesome people.
I know I didn't do this soul exercise, but maybe it is...unrealistic for me to expect that every single soul exercise will be right up my alley and awesome for me. maybe we all tend to think like that, that every single spiritual discipline or soul exercise will work for us and make this huge impact in our lives. what do you think?

Life With God:Reading the Bible for Spiritual Transformation-Introduction

Author: Richard J.Foster

I got this book over the summer, and I started reading it over the summer, but I would always stop at the same place in the introduction and then get too busy with other books or events or stuff and so it took me about 2 months to finish the introduction of this book! LOL the good part is that since I read it so many times, I feel like it sunk in a little better than it normally would have. but I loved the introduction to this part, and it has really made me think and am  not even at the actual book yet!

this book, as you can tell, is about life with God. am bad at explaining what books are about, unlike my friend Brent. when Brent does a book post, he can explain to you so well what the book was about.however, i have trouble with that. my way is just to write about the parts that jumped out at me, the quotes I liked, and why. sometimes I do compare myself to Brent a lot and find myself lacking, but when it comes to writing, not so much. we just have different strenghts when it comes to writing. he's really good at nonfiction writing, like this kind, and am better at creative writing, writing stories,etc. anyway, totally got off track there.

the first thing that I totally fell in love with was on the first page:
"through scripture we hear God whispering down through the centuries: "I am with you! "I am with you!" "I am with you!" then, we heard God asking a question that searches the human person to the depths: "are you willing  to be with Me?"the scipture reveals that saying "yes" to this invitation thrusts human beings into life with God...daily...Hourly...moment by moment."(page vii).  I loved this because...it rings true for me. God has done so much for me when I stop and think about it, and all He asks is that I love Him, love others, and follow Him. if you consider all God does, even those things you will never know He did for you...doesnt seem like such a big request does it? I also like the last part, being in life with God daily, hourly, in every moment, not just in certain settings but in everything and everywhere. that appeals to me.  in my current hearbreak over Dan, i need someone to care enough to be there for me, and it seems like God is the only one that is doing that because He has always done that, you know?even when I knew Him but didnt really give Him any of my time.

on the next page, he writes: " just as God kept saying in ancient times, so God keeps saying today:"i am with you in all the love abd terrror and pity and pain and wonder that is your life. I am with you. are you willing to be with me?"(page viii)  I love this because it is saying that through it all, God is with me. no matter what, 24/7, whenever I need Him I dont even have to call Him, He is already there, He already knows. that's...amazing to me. and even though sometimes this isnt very comforting because sometimes, honestly, you need someone with skin, human touch. with this Dan heartbreak thing, I cannot tell you how much i long for someone to just...hold me, let me cry on their shoulder, and listen, but mostly just...hold me.  but I never tell anyone that. am not very comfortable with touchy, huggy, but mostly because am not used to it at all. sometimes, a hug can go such a long way towards making someone feel even a tiny bit better, or even loved and cared about. anyways, off track again. but the idea of God wanting to be with me, all the time, wanting to get to know me and spend time with me and teach me to love, and care and to do His work...if you think about it, it is pretty cool that the creater of the entire universe...loves you.  it's easy to lose that amazing feeling over that, but if you stop and think about it, it is so awesome.

"but we must seek this life out,turn into it because there is also a principle of death within us,stemming from the fall. therefore, we must be constantly saying "yes" to life and "no" to death. we must always be discerning life-giving actions and attitudes from those that are death giving."(page x). It really struck me that God is offering us this amazing life with God, but its not in our nature anymore because of the fall, so we have to always be choosing it, going against our nature in a way. God is life, and we have to always be choosing Him. it made me have this thought that maybe,before the fall, choosing God was in our nature, and everything else was not important, God was first, but after the fall, our nature changed. when you judge this, be kind, i am only a christian baby(2 years old on november 23!!). this was a new idea to me and also...revelied me a bit to think that its super hard on all of us, not just me, that it is in all of our natures to choose us over God, death over life, and we have to work against it. we all have to do that, not just me.

also on page x, foster wrote: "now, all this struggling  and learning to live "with God" has a rock-solid purpose to it: to transform us into the likeness and character of Jesus. God's everlasting intent for human life is that we should be in every aspect a dwelling place for God."(page x). I really like the first part of this. I want to be like Jesus, as dorky as that sounds. granted, we can never fully reach that goal, but we can try and try and try, each and every day, and in each and every moment. it ties back in with what he wrote on the first page, about being in life with God hourly and daily, moment by moment. the part about a dwelling place for God, I must admit I don't fully...grasp that concept yet. I understand it, but I still have to...work on a bit more. I guess it has to do with Jesus/Holy Spirit being in you, and living your life to reflect that. a concept that I am still working on. still, i like the idea of living my life to reflect Jesus and be a good ambassador for Him.

in a previous post, chapter 2 of the Good and Beautiful Life, I wrote how I loved James Bryan Smith's message about the kingdom of God/Heaven being here and not far away. well, foster writes: "Hence, we want to become the kind of person inwardly so that when we do get to Heaven we will want to stay there.our feelings and passions and affections will have been so transformed that we will feel right at home in heaven.nor does this transforming process have to wait for heaven.oh,no, it begins now...today."(page xi). I loved hearing the message that smith wrote about being written about here as well. I especially loved the part about this transformation not having to wait for heaven. if the kingdom of God is here, and we are children of the kingdom, then we should start...acting and living and loving to reflect that. it's like my china prep...I know am going to China, and so am doing all I can to prepare myself,so that even though I wont learn nearly all I need to know until I get there, it wont be such a total shock. what if Heaven begins...right now.  what if the kingdom of God has been here all along, and we have been living in it and claiming it but not acting and living like it. one of my favorite songs is this 80s pop hit called "heaven is a place on earth" and I think that says it all; heaven is on earth, and the "place" is...you. me. us. makes me wonder why we don't act like the children of the kingdom, children of God, that we claim to be.
 "entering a "with God life"baptizes us into the milieu of the Holy Spirit. everything around us becomes scented with the fragrance of heaven..."(page xi). no deep thoughts here, I just love the idea of the very air around me, my essence, having the fragrance of heaven. am a romantic soul,and I am a creative writer/fiction writer(to be formal) so this idea appeals to my soul.
the last thing that really stuck out to me was this: "the heart is deeply and surely healed and restored and redirected by God alone."(page xi). I am currently more heartbroken that I can say over Dan, and when I read this, my thought was that this is exactly what I need. I need God to come in and healed my heart, restore it, and sent it in a new direction. it was also...comforting in a way, to read that God is the only one that can do this for me. that I cant do it for me, Dan cant do it for me, not even Brent can do this for me. only God can, and He will. last spring, before I knew that Dan knew I was in love with him, during the period when I didn't want to like Dan because I KNEW I would end up like this, I heard God telling me: "dont be afraid of a broken heart. I will heal it." either heal it or take care of it. but it seems as if foster is going along those same lines. and that's what i need.
this introduction was so good! I am so excited to read the rest of the book, and how to read the bible for living a "God life" and I think I'm gonna learn a lot from this book.

The Good and Beautiful Life:Chapter Two

Author: James Bryan Smith

Chapter two of this book has taken me awhile to get around to, mostly because I've been busy with school. I love my classes this semester, but they are all so intense and so much reading! anyway, I finally read it today and it was a really good chapter! this chapter's title is "the gospel many people have never heard." in this chapter he talks about how most of have know the message of the gospels as "jesus came to earth to save us." which He did, and that is part of the gospels of course, but smiths talks about  how the central message of the gospels, what Jesus preached, was about the kingdom of God. smith wrote: "i  came to realize,thanks to some gifted teachers,that the gospel Jesus   preached includes even more than being loved,forgiven,reconciled, and given a new identity.i failed to know for over 10 years of my christian life that the gospel also includes an invitation to a great adventure,which i have come to know as 'living in the kingdom of God' ."(36).      I had trouble understanding this when I first read it. it was...strange to think of what else the Gospel could be about. but the more I read the chapter, the more I got it, and the more I came to see that maybe, just maybe, we are missing Jesus' greatest message to us.

"Jesus' narrative: getting heaven into us now." (36). this is the title of the first section of the chapter, and I love it. I always think of  heaven as a place to get to; a place. but what if heaven is more than a place?what if it's something that is inside of us....what if heaven is our heart, our soul, our love...I know am not making sense at all, but this is something that stuck out to me, so I want to write it on here. you know, I can always express myself and my feelings so much better in writing that I ever could with words, but sometimes, even in writing it's hard. some things are just...beyond words.

one thing that I loved in this chapter was when smith talked about how Jesus's message, what He preached about, was the Kingdom of God. smith wrote how in Matthew 4:17 we are told that after His temptation in the desert "...Jesus began to proclaim,'repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.'(37). smith explains that the greek word for "repent" is metanoia, which means "change your mind." this changes the meaning of the verse. as smith says, most of us hear "repent" and think of behavior change, of doing something wrong and changing it. i know that's what ran through my mind when i read this verse. change your behavior, you're doing it wrong. but if you take the word Jesus actually used,"metanoia", then you start getting idea that he wasnt talking about behavior per say, but about changing your mind, the way you think because the kingdom of God is near. think about that part: the kingdom of God is near. what if Jesus wasnt talking about near in a a sense of time but location....what if He was saying that God's kingdom was coming to us? something that i found interesting was smith's explanation of "proclaim." he said: "the word proclaim was commonly used in Jesus' day for a herald who offered a very special word from the king."(37). so in His time, the word proclaim meant a very special amazing annoucement from the king. so matthew is telling us that Jesus went out to tell people this increable message the king had sent. pretty cool, at least i think so. it do find it kinda...ironic that i found the use of the original greek word and how they used the word proclaim  because this is something Brent would get super excited over, and it's one of the reasons why he loves greek so much, so it kinda...scares me when i find myself having a reaction to something or thinking about something in the same way that he would. not saying he isnt a great person, but the idea of thinking like him does scare me a bit. lol :)
 one thing that am not sure whether or not I agree on, or that confused me a bit, or got me thinking a bit...is this: "by labeling the kingdom as an eschatological(end times) reality that will come at the return of Christ,its role and value for our present lives is negated."(42). am not sure whether i agree with this or not. it seems to me like i hear all the time about "doing work for God's kingdom" or "part of the kingdom" so am not sure whether this is true or not. maybe i just dont understand what he meant. if your reading this, i would like to hear your thoughts,advice,etc.

one thing that smith wrote: "the kingdom of God is a present reality that will be fully consummated in the future."(42). I found this contradictory when i read it but at the same i liked it. i tend to think of the kingdom of God as a future thing, far off, but maybe it's a present thing and a future thing all at once. what if I have been...preparing,working,etc to enter something that is right here in front of me? ever wondered that? what if that thing that your working towards, that you are looking for, is right there in front of you? i have. maybe the right guy for me is right in front of me, and i just dont see him. or maybe the guy am meant to be with doesnt see me right here, right here in front of him.

i tend to get sidetracked a bit, so bear with me :)

i wont talk about it a whole lot, mostly because i didnt have a lot of deep thoughts about this, i just really liked it and it inspries me: "...He not only taught about it, he ministered by its power.and by its power Jesus' disciples changed the world,not only in the first century, but in every century since."(42). this inspires me, and i want do work,love,with the power of God's kingdom.

for the rest of this entry, I'm gonna simply write down parts of the chapter that stuck out to me and that I really loved.

• "the rightesousness we need to enter the kingdom is humility,purity of heart, and a desire to work on those aspects of our soul that are most important,such as intergrity,gentleness,respect and mercy."(44).
• i loved this because he is saying that its not the outer things, such as going to church, reading the bible,or even doing service to others, that counts, but its the inner parts that do. for example, its not the act of doing service that matters but the heart, the spirit, in which you do it. it inspires me to stop concentrating on my actions, and start concentrating on my heart, my soul.
• "to enter the kingdom,we must work on our inner life."(44)
• same as what i put above.
• "...children are innocent,trusting and have little self-consciouness. they do not naturally judge others or hate people those are learned activities.love comes naturally to children. of course,children convey more than innocence and love and trustl the can be petty and selfish and fearful.but children do not naturally need to be in control.they have very little authorityor power,and live each day in dependence and trust,receiving everything as a gift.and this,i believe,is what Jesus is advocating."(44).
• this is only part of a paragraph, but i love it! i love especially the part where he writes that love comes naturally to children. i want that so much!
• "the Holy Spirit has been leading me tos Jesus for some time, and when I relinquished control of my life,the Spirit then infused my entire being with new life and new capabilities."(45).
• i love this because its such a beautiful image for me, and also because I want that! i want the Spirit to just...take over me and make Jesus shine through me.
• "some may feel as if their experience is inferior,but in reality it is far better to have walked a whole life with Jesus."(45).
• this is the same idea that Alex Ketterman talked about at the Southern Hills Retreat saturday night devo, that those that havent had a tough, difficult journey to faith feel inferior in a way. however, this kinda...hurt my feelings, because I did not grow up going to church,hearing or talking about God,etc so it kinda makes me sad to hear that it's better to have grown up in it.
• "the wind blows where it chooses,and you hear the sound of it,but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. so it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."(john 3:8)(45).
• smith explains that the word for Spirit and wind is the same in greek. so knowing that, it changes the passage a bit for me. what if its not a comparision but a description of the Spirit? plus, i love the image, the idea of the Spirit moving, and you hear it, but you dont know where its going, where its been, or where it'll take you. it makes me excited!
• "we enter the kingdom through surrender,humility,trust, and a willingnessto begin working on our hearts in order to become the kind of person God desires us to be."(46).
• this is what smith says at the end of the chapter, and i love it!

this chapter was so good! i learned that maybe the kingdom of God is something that will happen when Christ comes back, but it also something that  is right here. after reading this chapter, I think that part of a Good and Beautiful Life is...putting Heaven inside of you(or working towards that, none of us are perfect)...the love, purity, gentleness, endless love,caring,etc that Jesus had and putting it inside our hearts and making it   part of our soul. does that make sense?i hope so lol