This book is what the movie is based on, and I will begin by saying I saw the movie first. I LOVED the movie and the story, and I decided to read the memoir that it was based on. I wanted to know the real story instead of the Hollywood portrayal of it.
This book is a memoir by the author. She went on a spiritual/self discovery trip to 3 countries: Italy, India, and Indonnesia. the story is more complex than that of course, but that is a simple description of it. the book is written in a format where there are 3 sections: one for each country she visitied, and each section has 36 sections, or "beads" as she calls them(there is a reason for this, and its really cool, but am going to let you read the book to find out what that reason is). btw, the introduction is also an "extra"bead, but again, read the book to find out more. the reason why I love this story so much, is because I can relate to it pretty well. while I don't have the same extend as she did, I can relate to feeling like you dont really know who you are. what hooked me was this scene in the trailer, where she(the actress that plays her)says that ever since she was 15 she has either been in a relationship or getting over one(something alone those lines). I heard that line and I was hooked, I knew I was going to go see that movie and the movie was so amazing and I could really...relate to it and I decided to read the book, the real story. like I said, that line, I can relate to it. ever since the 3rd grade, I have been crushing on a guy:
- Trey(3rd grade)
- Kody(4-6th grade)
- Derek(6th grade)
- Justin(6th grade)
- Nathaniel(7th Grade)
- Anthony Soto(8th-12th grade)
- Evan-ACU Freshman year
- Trevor(ACU Freshman all the way through sophomore year)
need I say more? only exception is my time in england, spring-summer 2009, where I did not actively like a guy but I was still getting over Trevor,but I have been crushing on a guy since 3rd grade, so sometimes I wish I could take that time in england, the closest i've come to not liking any guy, and make it 100% you know? a huge part of me is loving people. i love my friends, and i like to think am good at loving them, and when i crush on a guy, i really do invest feelings into them you know? so i sometimes wonder who I am outside of that. if you take out the romantic part of me and the loving friend, who am I? what else is there to me? so i can relate to her a bit, not the same though.
since the chapters are short, am going to write a post for every 5 chapters, not every chapter. I will refer to the chapters as "beads" because I like that format idea she had; i think its cool. :)
in the first bead she talks about her Italian tutor and how she wishes he would kiss her. she's in Italy at the time BTW. anyway, at the end of the bead they are on her doorstep and he comes close to kissing her, and she's hoping he will so badly and yet not because she made a decision to be celibate during that year.so he doesnt kiss her, and she goes back in, and she goes back in and she writes about how there's nothing but another solitary night in Italy and nobody and nothing in her bed but Italian phrasebooks and dictionaries.she then writes:
"I am alone. I am all alone. I am completly alone. grasping this reality,I let go of my bag, drop to my knees and press my forehead against the floor. there, I offer up to the universe a fervent prayer of thanks. first in English. then in Italian, and then-just to get the point across-in Sanskrit."(page 9).
when I first read this, I was expecting that she was gonna send a prayer of help to the universe, to help her get through being alone, or cry because she was alone. so it so...surprised me when she prayed a prayer of thanks, a thanks for being alone. despite her wanting her Italian tutor to kiss her, she was still fervently thankful that she was alone. I have cried, I have prayed for help to get through being alone, I have even prayed for acceptace that I am alone, but never have I prayed a thankful prayer for being alone. I have to admire that. makes me want to get to that place, saying a prayer of thankfulness for being alone, for not having someone with me,etc. am not sure if I will ever get to that place, so I admire her for getting there.
in the second bead she starts the story from the very beginning, and it stars when she's crying in her bathroom. she's married, been married for 8 years, and its the age she and her husband agreed that when it came she would grow tired of traveling and her career as a journalist, and would settle down and have kids. they had bought this huge suburban house, were trying to get pregnant,etc. yet she would cry almost every night. that night, she writes that she was thinking "I don't want to be married anymore." over and over. that thought kept running through her head. she wrote: "I was trying so hard not to know this, but the truth kept insisting itself to me"(10). this line really struck me because I can SO relate! I am trying so hard not to know the truth(I wont say what about, that's another post for another blog)yet it finds me, when I let down my guard, when I lower my shields, and lately all the time, it just...pushes its way forward. sometimes, you dont want to know the truth and so you fight it away. its not knowing the truth and ignoring it, or trying to talk yourself out of it, but...trying not to know it. its hard to explain in words, but I can relate. towars the end of this bead she wrote: "the only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying;the only thing more unthinkable than staying was leaving"(12). again, struck me because i can relate to it a bit. she ends this bead by writing that that night, somethign happened that changed everything,the way her life was going. she started to pray, to God.
the third bead she talked about God and her view on God. its a short short chapter, but towards the end she wrote that she had this dog from the pound that was a mixture of 10 different breeds, yet she(the dog)must have inherited the good features from each breed. when people asked her(the author)what king of dog she had, she simply said that she had a brown dog. so similarly when people ask her what kind of God she believes in, she says that she believes in a magnificent God. I LOVED that because its so true! God is everything, everything Good, and so to limit Him to one kind of thing, one kind of God, is...impossible. He's limitless. I loved that.
the fourth bead she continues talking about that night, about her praying to God and what happened. there were a few lines in this bead that I loved! one of them was when she started talking to God, she introduced herself, she said her name, nice to meet you,etc. she wrote: "that's right-I was speaking to the creator of the universe as though we'd just been introduced at a cocktail party. but we work with what we know in this life..."(15). I do the same thing when I pray/talk to God. I talk/pray to God like am writing Him a letter. I say "dear God" at the beginnign, then what I have to say, and end with "love you" or "I trust you" etc. and after reading this line, I realize I do this, and it makes sense. I love writing, so that I pray to God like am writing Him a letter or like am writing a blog post, makes sense because that's what I know. maybe there's different ways of praying/talking to God, and whichever way works for you, is fine with God. all the same to Him right? another line that struck me in this bead was when towards the end, when she wrote about hearing a voice(her own voice but wise,calm,etc) and how it told her to go back to bed. she writes that it was clear when she heard it that that was what she had to do,and how she wouldnt have accepted a "leave your husband" or "stay with your husband"type of "command"(for lack of a better word). she wrote: "true wisdom gives the only possible answer at any given moment"(16). speaks for itself, but I loved it! maybe she's right. maybe real true wisdom, is not being given the answer to your big picture problem in one go, but being take to it gradually, step by step, moment by moment. maybe God will never give you the answer but He'll take you to the answer. interesting thought.
in the fifth bead, she talks about how she left her husband 7 months later and right away jumped into another relationship. in this bead she talks about how hard her dirvoce was, going through that and how her relatationship fell apart as well at the same time, and it was around 9/11, and she lived in NYC so her marriage failed, her dirvoce was tougn and messy, her new relationship failed, and her city was terrozied. like I talked about earlier, I can relate to the jumping from one guy to the other, even though i've never been in a relationship. i have done that to a less extend. i've gone from one crush to another since the 3rd grade. i liked anthony soto since i was in 8th grade, he graduated at the end of my sophomore year, and it took me until the end of high school(another 2 years)to get over him. and right after that I start crushing on Evan, and then on Trevor for almost 2 years... one line that she wrote in the beginning of the fifth bead was: "i would neither defend myself from him, nor would I fight him"(17). this was in reference to her husband as they were going through the divorce. her new spirtuality kept her from wanting a "battle" and her guilt over leaving him kept her from fighting back. this line made me wonder if I do that. do i not fight and not defend myself?do i just stand there, doing nothing?i liked this bead, but this was the only line that struck me, besides the one where she talks about she jumped out of her marriaged and right into another relationship, which i've already talked about.
these first 5 beads are the beginnigns of a powerful story, and i have a feeling I'm going to relate to a lot of what she experienced, what she was going through,etc. to a less extend and in different ways, but relate nevertheless. i want to go on a trip like this someday. just leave everyone and everything and go to a new place(or 3 like in her case)and just have it be...me and God, and whoever He sends my way.
